Children, Respect the Bubble

I usually try to maintain a strict no-child bubble. As in, no children may come within about two feet of me. They very rarely respect this, because children have zero special awareness and are just continually bumping into my legs and whatever else, but the important thing is that I have standards. They’re never actually met, but the standard is indeed there.

And then last night I was offered up to babysit, so thanks MUM. I live independently and Mum doesn’t know my schedule, but Ian and Sandra needed someone to look after Jacqui, so sure, I’m available! I’ll cancel everything! Jacqui is an aspiring hairdresser, as it turns out. I asked what she wanted to do once I got there, and she said that she was available for hair appointments in South Melbourne, because that’s where she’d opened her salon, right next to the school. I had no use for any of that information, but sure.

I was the only person in the house, so naturally, I became the hair salon client. And I don’t even have much hair to work with, so I already felt pretty stupid. Plus, having Jacqui work on my hair was a clear and constant violation of my bubble. Couldn’t even sit on a chair, either, since that was too high for her. I just sat on the floor while a relatively unqualified hairdresser ‘cut’ my hair with safety scissors. Thankfully that was all pretend, aside from one curl near my ear.

Though in terms of hair salon person banter, it definitely wasn’t too bad. Clearly the girl had been to a hairdresser and heard what they said, so we talked about what I did for work, where I’m going on my holidays, and then how I manage to keep my hair so soft (papaya). She called me ‘darl’ a few times as well. Very authentic.

Okay, so it wasn’t the worst experience. I didn’t even have to do anything. And if I ever DO make a hair appointment with a South Melbourne hair salon, I’ll have all my conversation topics prepared, surely. I don’t know what scares me more: babysitting or small talk with strangers.


Television…or Streaming?

What to do, in this new and exciting information age? I like television…but I also like streaming…but can I have both?

Neat-Flicks has my absolute favourite show of all time, Fiends. It’s the one about the six mortal enemies living near each other in Toronto, and getting into wacky, day-to-day adventures while actually hating each other quite a lot. But then, I can’t really watch live sporting events on streaming, because someone thought it would be a good idea not to invent that yet. Plus, you get to witness television events, and the GF really likes it for Week of Our Lives, so…

I guess we need to get onto that antenna then. Antenna repair company in Melbourne work at a reasonable rate, and it’s not like regularly scheduled programming is going away any time soon. Like digital radio, television just got better. Not that I’ve had it for a while, but I was cat-sitting over the weekend and they said “hey, turn the television on, Jester really likes the sound”, and I did. Their Wi-Fi was down, so I started flicking through the channels and I didn’t even make it through all of them before I had to go. How many channels are there nowadays? Why do we need twenty-six different news channels, and who’s making all the shows about trucks driving long distances? Who’s making any of this stuff? Although that one about people driving on ice was flipping wild. SO stressful to watch, but it kept me on the edge of my seat, for sure.

TV has definitely moved on to the point where there’s actually something to watch at any time of day, while streaming…streaming is just great in a totally different way. And then there’s Week of Our Lives, and I’m definitely not getting out of that one, so…guess I’m springing for Melbourne’s best antenna installation, AND a subscription to Neat-Flicks. Gotta have my Fiends.

-Raquelle Greene

Laser Focus

My sister gave me a voucher for laser hair removal for Christmas… what are you trying to say, sis? Nah, I’m joking; we agreed to gift the same thing to each other and go for the treatment together. Basically, we added up the amount we both spend on professional waxing treatments in a year and decided we might as well invest in a more permanent hair removal solution – we’ve been doing it for so long (since the 80s!) that it’s hardly like we’re going to stop any time soon.

Here in Melbourne, laser hair removal clinics are quite easy to come by, so we weren’t too sure how to narrow down which one to use. We ended up going with a recommendation from a mate who’d had a good experience with the whole thing. This person also has a brother who’d gone to the same team’s Bendigo clinic for anti-wrinkle injections and been happy with the outcome. So the referral looks pretty solid.

Anyway, we haven’t done the deed yet – what with the runaround of the holidays and then getting back to work, we just haven’t been able to line up a time when we’re both free. The other thing is that you’re not supposed to have waxed for a month before having the treatment, so there’s that. I’m a little bit nervous about it because I’ve always had quite sensitive skin, but I’ve been assured by the clinic that the cosmetic technology they use is designed to minimise irritation and that my skin should be all good if it stands up to waxing.

Our mum has always been a bit funny about our sisterly hair removal obsession – in her day, she tells us, it just wasn’t a thing. Interestingly, our teenage daughters aren’t wild about it either; the people in their social circles just don’t get down with it. That’s just fine with us, but like I said, we’ve been doing it for so long that we’re not about to stop any time soon – so bring on the lasers!

The Lemur Sanctuary, Revived!

You’d be surprised by how much legal jargon is involved in setting up a lemur sanctuary, even if it’s just the sanctuary…moving. As in, we’re moving to a new place. Yep, the Lemur Sanctuary is saved! Honestly, I think the Keymore location is what was dragging us down a bit, being on the outskirts and all. Now we’re in a conveniently abandoned zoo-type area that we got for an absolute steal, and it’s a hop, skip and a jump away from the CBD. Everything worked out perfectly.

Of course, I’ve had to help out Sofia dealing with the business lawyers. Seriously, I know it’s Lawrence Corp and everything, but it’s like they’ve found every business lawyer office in Melbourne and got them to come and check out all the sponsorship details. I guess they are a business, and quite a big one. Makes sense that they want the business law to be top-notch.

Speaking of lawyers, we sure have been seeing a lot of them recently. Turns out that buying an old zoo isn’t as easy as a normal house. Fortunately Sofia had some connections in the property law world, the same ones she used to get us the old sanctuary. So it’s been Monday speaking to Lawrence Corp and their business lawyers, then property lawyers the day afterwards, and then another property law meeting with the shareholders, and another one with the business lawyers on Thursday to iron out the legality of the branding.

So we’ll soon be re-opening as ‘World of Lemurs, Brought to You by Lawrence Corp’. It’s wordy, but apparently all the official branding is going to just be World of Lemurs, or ‘WOL’. I like it a little bit better than just ‘Lemur Sanctuary’. It’s been a long, stressful road, but we pulled through. The new facility is great, the staff are happy, and I can now tell you every commercial law firm operating in Melbourne, because wow, meetings. A necessary evil, I guess.


My amazing life thanks to the beauty salon

I’m married to a wealthy stockbroker, my darling Kyle, who is my love and life. His well paying job also means that I can spend my days relaxing, rather than work all the time like most people are forced to do. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a slacker. I do lots of things with my time. I volunteer at the local animal shelter, I take Pilates class, and lunch with my friends.  Once a month I usually like to have some kind of beauty treatments because I need to look my best and make my hubby happy. Let me share with you my day.

I’ll wake up at 10am and spend some quality time with the kids Jackson and Jacobs. They’re not human children, they’re my fur babies. I take a long shower and then inspect my face for any signs of aging. If I find anything of concern I book an appointment in Melbourne for anti wrinkle injections at my favourite salon. After a light breakfast I go to the gym for an hour of cardio and squats.

A proper workout is a great start to the day, and a gym certainly beats going for a job along the main roads near us. I like everything about it, and I can go and chat with my friends and meet some cool people. If it’s a Friday I’ll usually go to my favourite beauty salon, just down the block from the gym.

The beauty salon is filled with lovely and cool people, we’re all friends over there. It means I can share with my friends everything about my life- about Kyle and the kids, and any problems I might be having at the time.

They love to listen and help me while they go about the process of laser hair removal. Melbourne is known to have some of the best beauty clinics in the country and for good reason. I find the whole experience really relaxing. I just love having facials; skin replenishment is something that many girls forget about, and it’s really important stuff.

We, as women, need to take care of our bodies and deserve to feel good about them.  It means that when I go home at night, I’ll feel great and when Kyle gets home I can be everything he wants me to be.

How I overcame the nightmare at my feet

A structural problem to my toes that developed when I was a 23 year old flared and fluctuated through the years. In my early thirties, this became unbearable. I found out through visiting a specialist that I had a condition, in which my toes were subject to poor healing and constant breaks. The worst was yet to come, though. Even reading it now takes my breath away, because two of my toes on the left foot would need to be amputated. Suffice to say, it wasn’t a great time, but thankfully, relief came in the form of hyperbaric treatment. Melbourne won me over again with a place specialising in hyperbaric treatments that I could regularly visit just a few main roads away.

Thankfully, around the same time, I was referred by a friend who played football to a place that offered hyperbaric chamber sessions. He made sure I knew about about the benefits of oxygen therapies and why not trying one would be a mistake. He was right.

In the end,  I wasn’t able to save my toes but I was able to deal with the amputation wound, which threatened to be very difficult to treat. Areas of the body far away from the heart are notoriously more resistant to healing, due to the fact that oxygen is firstly used in the central regions of the body, leaving legs and extremities to go with less. a long period of recovery behind. I was able to focus on intensive return to health though, and what made that easier than I expected was the introduction to leading Melbourne hyperbaric chamber oxygen therapies.

My first session in a chamber made me realise how much pain I’d been in. A level down from the pain I’d normally been in was the eye opener. I guess I had become become complacent with compensating pain, and my body showed the aftershocks of this, with tiny niggles opening up all over my body, which I guess were the small but numerous readjustments my body needed to make now that those pain-led movements no longer happened.

Lighting. It Was All in the Lighting!

Obviously I can’t have lost an actual chess game all by myself. It wasn’t legit. The other guy cheated, thus meaning my perfect record of chess victories in unsullied, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all.

Norwegian champion? More like the champion of cheating, am I right? And it’s incredibly hard to cheat at chess as well, so they put a bit of effort into stealing my victory in the grand championship. For you see, the light above me was slightly dimmer that the one over them. This not only gave him the psychological edge, but also made it so that he could see the pieces every so slightly better than me. The scoundrel! When I demand a rematch and he complies out of what little honour still exists in his soul, I’ll make sure I have the best commercial LED lighting services on my side. I don’t just mean regular old lights, either. We’re talking as much power as possible, all the lumens that could ever be crammed into a set of bulbs, right overhead so that we and both sides of the board are equally lit. Then I can unleash my true chess fury, and he and his cheating ways will pay the price.

He has some nerve, messing with the lighting like that. Somehow he must’ve done his research and found out that I have weak vision in low-light, which I never have had before but it makes sense because everyone does. Sneaky indeed. No doubt he’s trying to think several steps ahead and perhaps find a way to interfere with our lighting, which is why I’ll have TWO sets of backup lighting to illuminate our game, as well as my victory. The best, most powerful designer lighting for sale in Melbourne that I can find, to be stored and brought out when this Norwegian fellow tries anything sneaky. You cannot hide your terrible deeds in the darkness any longer. Your chess skills- or lack of- will be brought into the light!


I’m Hair For The Interview

I just got called in for a job interview with a law firm that I’ve been pinging my CV at for a long time. Eep! They’ve asked if I can come in this afternoon, and of course I agreed. The only problem is that I’ve literally just returned from a 3-month mountain biking tour and, well, it shows. It’s actually a good look, in my opinion, at the best of times. Just not at an interview in an office with architecturally designed light fixtures in the poshest part of the CBD. I need a trim and a colour (I’ve got a serious regrowth situation happening), on the double.

So: where can I get this done fast and en route to the interview? I’ve heard that there’s a hair salon in David Jones in Melbourne; that’s on my way. I wonder if I’ll be able to get an appointment there at such short notice. That’d be handy, actually – I could pick up a clean shirt and some socks without holes on the way through.

There must be a whole host of good hairdressers in the Melbourne CBD; I just don’t know what they are. I’m used to getting weird backyard haircuts in the inner north. It’s a bit of a funny thing, this sudden need to get a ‘real’ haircut, because I believe that employers should judge applicants on the strength of their work, not on their hairstyles. That said, I understand that they probably will make a snap judgement about what I’m like on the basis of my hair, and I want to turn up looking like the hire that they have in mind.

Anyway, I should probably stop writing this and just book myself in somewhere, before I run out of time to get it done. Writing helping me to think straight, though… do I need to shampoo and condition my hair before I turn up for the appointment? It’s been so long since I’ve been to a professional hairdresser that I legitimately can’t remember.

Must remember to breathe… I’ve got this!

‘Row, Anna’ is A New Classic For Sure

Biz-Ney have knocked it out of the park again, as they so often do. What IS it with their catchy tunes and heartwarming moral stories?? They have me singing for days and days afterwards.

Anyway, I’m a little bit late to the party on this one, but I managed to see ‘Row, Anna!’, about a girl who leaves her home to sail across the sea in a rowboat to replace the paperweight of a woman in charge of a smelting company. Also, she meets a guy who can shapeshift, but he’s TOO good at it and he’s having an existential crisis.

Instant classic, obviously. I like how it was made in close association with Melbourne’s plate aluminium boat industry, so all the shipwright techniques seen in the film are pulled from real-life research. So there’s the inspiring scene where Anna goes down to the docks and sings a song about how she’s going to go sailing into the sea to find her identity, and also the greatest marine welding techniques known to man. For you see, her town is struck by a terrible blight…a blight that makes everyone forget how to weld. And since welding is their main industry outside of importing papayas, that’s really bad for everyone. Anna knows from her crazy grandfather that meeting with this CEO from across the sea and learning the sacred marine welding techniques is the only way to save her hometown, which of course requires the safe return of the CEO’s beloved paperweight (which was stolen by the shapeshifting guy), so then…

Ah, here’s me just telling you the entire plot, when you could watch it for yourself. I will say it’s a credit to Melbourne based stainless steel marine welding contractors, especially at the end when the whole town… I can’t tell you that! But it’s such a great ending. Such great songs. I love it so…


Removing a Tree, With Ki

Ugh, I had to have another one of THOSE conversations today. You know, the ones I get from total plebeians who don’t understand the true beauty of anime. They think I should be watching reality TV and sport instead. As if that’s better; how am I going to recognise the importance of never giving up from some dumb singing show? How would I have ever learned the true meaning of friendship from sports?

Your argument is invalid, especially since I just started watching ‘My Summer Arborist Honey’, and it’s teaching me all these things and more. Also, tree removal. Ashwood has a few of those, right? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone removing a tree, but I’m guessing they do it with equipment and not intense training that lets them find the weak points in a structure and summon their power to knock it down with their bare fists.

Yeah, probably not in real life tree removal. Still, I do love how ‘My Summer Arborist Honey’ contains a heartwarming love story, within a coming-of-age tale, wrapped in an exciting story about tree loppers. They strive to be the best in the business and compete in thrilling tournaments, including an overarching tale of some quality tree removal people trying to stop a fringe group of evil, sentient trees from taking over the world and causing a massive fruit shortage.

Yeah, it’s quite multi-faceted.I do like a tale that goes further than skin-deep, unlike reality TV and sport which is exactly skin-deep and nothing else. That’s just what anime offers: entertainment, alongside life-changing moral messages and lessons.

That said, I won’t pretend this one is particularly realistic…even if I’m not looking for that. Melbourne’s professional tree pruning services use tools to accomplish their goals, I would think. Even the very best of them can’t scream for three episodes and cause the trees to implode through sheer mental strength.