We’ve never once succeeded at the Paper Boat Race Championships, but that’s no reason to stop trying. One day, this shall be a great mainstay of Melbourne, even a tourist attraction. But for now, it’s mostly just a laughingstock that amuses people every year. They’ll get their comeuppance, I swear it.
‘Just do little boats with no people in them!’, they all say. But that would defeat the entire purpose of it being a RACE, now wouldn’t it? I’m not putting up with people putting their little paper boats onto the water and trusting fate to see them over the finish line. No, they need to be manned, crewed, occupied. Nothing else matters.
This year, we’re looking at outboard motor services. Melbourne’s industry has helped us in the past, but there’s only so much you can do when a boat is made of paper and can barely support the weight of a person, let alone an entire boat motor. Still, I feel like there are ways you can make them more structurally sound. I recently took a trip to Japan to undertake an entire origami course, and the secrets of paper folding were unlocked in my mind. So much wisdom, years and even centuries of fantastic technique…I feel sure that this will be the year we finally make it work.
We’ll need to look into this motor business, in any case. Do they make motors that are lightweight enough for boats, or will we have to have them custom made? It’s only for one race, so perhaps they don’t need to be the most durable. One use, and that’s it. A disposable boat motor, that’s what we need; lots of them, in fact. Obviously I still have all my old Melbourne outboard motor repair connections, because they’re the ones who keep telling me that this idea is crazy. But once I present my disposable motor idea…they’ll come around.