Incredible Air Conditioning

We’ve been given a fairly generous grant to create an air conditioning unit that’s both efficient and indestructible, so that’s our current mission. Create invincible air con, or die trying, or maybe not die, just not get any more money or recognition for our achievements. It was made pretty clear that ethics would only stand in the way and we have no need of them, which is probably why this particular set of scientists was chosen. I’ll freely admit it: I’ll do anything in the name of progress, up to and including programming a prosthetic limb to repeatedly slap the owner’s face and verbally abuse them until they say they’re a chicken. I STILL say that was valuable data, and the company had no right to fire me.

So. I suppose our aim is for people doing air conditioning repairs in Melbourne to…not do that job any more, I suppose? Oh, well, we wouldn’t want to put anyone out of a job. I expect that, once we create the air conditioning unit of the future using any means necessary- probably dark science, if I had to guess- then the industry will go through some changes, and maybe all the air conditioning repair people will instead transition to air conditioning cleaning people. I mean, it’s not like science is any closer to creating objects that can clean themselves! That would be silly!

Speaking of which, I grow very tired of Velma, who claims to be a cooling rod specialist but has the competence of a half-eaten bag of peanuts. There’s a small chance that I might have to kill her. But there’s also a small chance that I won’t! It’s a tense workplace, with all of us relatively mad people working in close proximity and scheming schemes. Still, there are worse things in life. Crocodiles, stealth ducks, and perhaps the thought that Melbourne air conditioning won’t become the best in the world, and totally invulnerable. But it definitely will, so…


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